Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
