i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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