She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
