Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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