If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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