How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
