We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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