i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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