you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize