Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
