i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
