I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
not ubering you a puppy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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