At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
