Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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