His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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