fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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