respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
