You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
