Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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