so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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