Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
