i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
