No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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