i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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