Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
