When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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