He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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