porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
