it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
