Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
