So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
