Church boner. Awkwardddd
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize