belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize