I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
