He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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