Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
