We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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