please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
