You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
