Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
