I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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