My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
