he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ladies don't puke and tell
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
