Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
