I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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