the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
