Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
