Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
