I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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