So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
