he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
