I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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