I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
