I cannot find my penis.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need water and some morals
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
