after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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