thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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