yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize