if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
