My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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