im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
