Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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