Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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