Farmville is her only friend.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Vodka?
Forever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got inside last night via doggy door
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
