just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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