I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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