so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
