I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
